Nothing is worse than assuming you have a great relationship with someone and having no explanation as to why he still hasn’t proposed.
And believe me, I’ve been there before. I’m gonna tell you right now, that there could be a very logical explanation for this. Or… you’re simply playing yourself. And the denial is real.
I remember when I “thought” I was ready to take that step. I wanted to get married. It was the next obvious step for us. Or so I thought.
We were practically living together for years. There had been ups and downs. Ins and outs. Hell and back. So why no ring?
It kills me to even admit this but I would rack my brain for months trying to come up with the explanation all on my own while dude over there was just living his life as if nothing was even wrong.
Sidenote: if the guy isn’t your future husband, then this whole thought process isn’t even on his radar. So… just keep that in mind.
Sister, if you dream of someday getting married to a man who loves you and vows to love you till death do you part, then you’re allowed to have that dream! There is nothing wrong with wanting that for yourself and for your future!
What IS wrong, however, is when you desire to have that, yet you’ve been trucking along in a dead-end relationship for years!
It’s almost like when you’re working at a job and you know that you’re up for a promotion. Yet, no one wants to talk about it… or even acknowledge it.
Dude, just let us know if we’re gonna get paid or not so that we can move on with our lives!
Wondering why your boo thang still hasn’t proposed is pretty much like that.
I’ve been in many long-term relationships where I assumed that we would one day get engaged, only to fall short on the truth that it was never going to happen.
There have even been times in my life where I would practically force it to happen. Even though I knew in my heart that the guy I was with wasn’t really the one, I was determined to make him the one.
Another sidenote: Don’t do that. It ends terribly. Speaking from experience.
On the plus side, I’ve been with “the ONE” and even when I just knew in my heart that he would someday ask me to marry him (and I would for sure say “yes”), I was still wondering for months why he still never asked!
So to ease your worries a bit, and to give you some peace of mind, here are a few reasons why he still hasn’t proposed.
1. He is not financially ready.
There are many ways that we can go about this. So let’s try to cover them all.
Finances are HUGE for men! Because at the end of the day, they are called to be the “providers” of the household. And they can’t really do that if they can’t even afford to take care of themselves.
Yes, yes, I know. You’re a super woman and times have changed. You can certainly handle yourself and split the expenses between you and the one you love.
He knows that. But that doesn’t matter. He still wants to know that he could be able to take care of you and your future.
That’s one way to look at it.
The other way is that even if he’s actually pretty stable when it comes to finances, he doesn’t have enough to give you the wedding you deserve to have.
Weddings are big deals. Like, really big. And expensive. Unless you elope 🤔. Also, can get expensive. Just sayin.
But you deserve to be more than just a runaway bride. You deserve the flowers, the gorgeous gown, and the tiny floating candles the swim in a tall glass centerpiece (which, by the way, will cost you about $45 per table!) And those things all add up.
Your guy doesn’t want to just pop the question and then not be able to follow through with a descent wedding.
Speaking of follow-through… have ya checked out the prices on those rings you’ve been looking at? It all adds up.
So while your guy would very much like to propose to you, it’s not that easy in the financial state of mind. And sure, he could go all rom-com and simply place a Ring-Pop, and onion ring, or
And your bae for sure knows that you certainly deserve more. He’s just waiting to give you that. So… to address why he still hasn’t proposed? He’s working on it.
2. He’s not mentally ready.
Oh, this reason is the one that can drive you insane. Only saying that because it drove me insane.
Guys are tricky when it comes to the way they think and process things. Very much different than how girls think and process.
So when you want something life-changing in your relationship, such as getting engaged, and homeboy is nowhere near that mindset shift, then he’s simply not going to ask.
And there could be many, many reasons as to why he’s just not mentally prepared to take the next step:
- He doesn’t want to spend all that money.
- His space is his and he doesn’t want to share it.
- He doesn’t want to give up his “freedom”.
- There’s a negative perception of what happens when you get married and doesn’t want that for himself.
- He’s been married before and it only caused stress and drama (and more money).
- He doesn’t think that getting married is even necessary.
- His parents had a poor marriage and/or got divorced.
- He’s still trying to figure out if you’re the One for him.
- He’s not ready to have children and thinks that once you’re married, that’s the next step.
- There are kids involved and it’s complicated with his baby-momma(s).
Seriously, so. many. things. for. him. to consider.
Now, you may be able to figure out some of these points through a simple conversation. Or at least through an ongoing series of conversations.
But I’m gonna go ahead and guess that you may have already seen some red flags flying. And the fear of admitting that to yourself (and others) is real.
So when your guy isn’t mentally prepared because of any of the points listed above, that’s YOUR cue to take action.
YOU have to determine for yourself if you’re willing to wait, set a future “check-in” to see where you both are at a later time or walk away in faith that you’re gonna find a guy who can give you what you want.
But that’s another topic for another day. 😉
3. He already has a plan.
This is the reason that brings hope and excitement to every desired bride.
The reason why he hasn’t proposed yet is because there is already a plan in motion.
When Kyle finally proposed, I just had to get the scoop on why it happened the way it did. What took so long? When did he know he was gonna propose? What went down when he asked my parents? How did you come up with the ring idea? What may you plan out the proposal that way? Etc.
Turns out, he asked my parents for my hand almost two months prior to even asking me. He had been back and forth with a jeweler, designing my engagement ring, for the first half of the year, and there was already a decoy date to make it all come to life.
Wow. I had no idea. Like, seriously.
And neither will you. Because you’re not supposed to. That’s the point.
Your guy is going for a “wow-factor”. So any conversation that could possibly give away what he has up his sleeve, is being avoided at all costs.
And don’t think I didn’t try to pry out information from Kyle while we were still dating. I’m pretty sure I asked him about marriage and getting engaged several times. But looking back at it, he dodged those topics better than a dodgeball champ!
So, if you’ve been praying, and you feel the peace to move forward in marriage with your boyfriend, then give it time.
If you’ve been dating him for a while, and all signs point to him not being a scrub, and actually wants to marry you someday, then give it time.
It may already be in the works for you.
4. He will never ask.
Ugh. This is the hardest news to share, but it has to be said.
And quite frankly, I think you know this fact already and just needed to read it with your own eyes.
This is where a lot of girls (me included) get caught up in our desires and confuse our self-worth for something less than.
Ladies, you should know the intentions of where your relationship is willing to go before you even get exclusive.
If he doesn’t make it clear to you that he wants to date you to determine if you both are suitable for marriage, then the relationship is going to waste your time.
date someone with absolutely no end-goal is like filling up a glass of water only to discover that there is a hole at the bottom of the glass. You will never stay filled.
Sure, the glass may seem full at times, but make no mistake, it will never stay full for long.
And remember what I said earlier. Wanting to get married is ok. But if you desire that, and then expect a man with no intentions of getting married, to wake up one day and give you that, then you’re playing yourself.
In this case, do not ignore the red flags.
Do not assume that you can change his mind.
Time will not be on your side when the intentions are very clear from the very beginning.
You deserve to be in a relationship with someone who is willing to dream the same dreams as you. And to move forward.
So where do you think you stand? After hearing all of this, does it make a little more sense as to why he hasn’t proposed?
Ultimately, it will come down to two things:
- You trust in God that the man you’re with is the man God has selected to become your husband. With that kind of trust, the proposal will come in time.
- You know your worth, your intentions, and your expectations for your relationship and you honor them above all else. And with that kind of integrity, you’ll always be one step closer to your dreams.