You’re a mom. And Single. And that could be a pretty tough combination in this modern dating world.
Moms get a bad rap because they aren’t able to do as much as single women can do. And as a YouTuber, I can tell you right now that there are a TON of videos advising guys NOT to date single moms.
Guys think that single moms are deemed “unbeatable” because they have kids. And the kids have fathers. Often times are difficult to be about or co-parent with. Other times they believe that the moms are actually out there specifically searching for a replacement for those dads. Most of the time, guys believe that moms will treat them as one of their children. Thus, there will be no kind of maturity and respect within the relationship.
If you’re a single mom and you’re reading this then the dating world is not gonna be easy for you. For the very reasons I’ve mentioned. Having kids is tough as it is, coming from one momma to the next! So, in this video, I wanna talk against these common myths and give you a few things to consider. They may actually help you get into the dating scene!
Click below to enjoy this video!
You’re Single. You’re a mom. That’s pretty tough.
Lemme just go ahead and dispel the myths that single moms are difficult. Or that guys don’t want you because you have kids. (spoiler alert: the good guys would be totally open to dating a woman with kids!)
Guys don’t wanna go after a single mom because they think that the women are looking for that “father figure”. Or moms are automatically looking for the “Savior” who can help them become a complete family. So you just wanna go ahead and just get rid of that thought mindset altogether because if that’s where you’re going at this, then you probably shouldn’t be worried about dating and you probably should be worried more about your life and your well-being with your family that you already have.
When your kids grow up they’re gonna find someone and they’re gonna wanna get married. They’re gonna leave the nest, ok? So it’s perfectly ok for you to wanna find a companion to share life with because your kids are not going to be there forever.
Sidenote: Ladies, if you feel like “hmmm… I’m not ready just yet”, or “maybe I got some things to consider in my life before I actually go into that dating world”, I got a resource for you and it’s called, “4 Keys That Every Single Woman Needs To Live A Life They Love”. So maybe you download that first, you see if your keys are lining up and then if they are then… go ahead and meet the guy! Because you never know where that could lead!
Make Sure That You And Yours Are Taken Care Of
Dating should NOT be a process to find someone to help carry your load. It’s a blessing to find a man who would be willing to step in and adopt a role within your family. However, meeting someone might make them obligated to pick up the slack when times are tough or if the father of your children is absent. Be sure that your bills are cared for. Your kids should be safe and cared for. And you have what you need to live life without restrictions BEFORE you go and start dating!
Be Completely And Totally Honest
As a single mom, it can be draining to tell guys up front that you are a mother of kids. Some guys will automatically see that as a red flag. Just because they see that, doesn’t mean that EVERY guy will see it like that. Letting men know that you are a mother and that you do have children will let them know upfront what to expect. It will also give them the facts they need to give an honest answer as to whether they wish to proceed with dating you.
Be Very Clear With What Your Standards & Values Are
Let’s face it, ladies, you are a mom. So you have to be a role model for your daughters. You have to send the right signal to your son so that he can see how to treat a woman. But if you’re gonna just let some guy come in and just let him run all over your household and have your kids have no say in it? That’s not gonna play well at all. Not for you. Not for your kids. And not for the guy you’re with.
When It Comes To Introducing The Man To The Children
You should not bring a man around unless he is serious. And I mean like, super serious. If he’s past the “I love you” portion of the relationship then think about it. If he wants to play an invested role in your life, then it’s time for children and family introductions. Then, and only then, would I recommend doing this. Because then you know that he is not planning on going anywhere anytime soon and your kids do not have to come into contact with someone who will not be long-term.
What’s gonna happen if you choose to go about this difference is that you are going to bring a man into the picture and your children are not going to understand or decipher how important he should be in their life as well as in yours. If you know that this man is serious, then you start introducing him.
And don’t just introduce him as, “Oh, he’s my friend”, or “it’s none of your business” because the fact of the matter is that this IS their business. This is their house and life as much as it is yours. Whatever you decide to do is ultimately going to affect them. And even though they don’t have parental authority, they at least have a voice. And whatever you do is going to affect the relationship that you have with your children when you decide to put someone before them.
Also, what are some things that a single mom should consider once they start to date?
Momma, you may be single but you are not cursed! Believe me when I tell you that God is going to shift some things around in your life to make a way for you to take care of yourself, your family, and your heart! Trust in God and where He is moving you in this season. Don’t rush it and be mindful of your values and what you need to focus on before you move into a new season!
I’m a single mom that ended a toxic relationship with my child’s father about 9 months ago, I started therapy and building my own personal relationship with Christ as I worked through healing from my trauma, but now the only thing I feel like I deal with the most are those insecurities and lack of self-confidence when it comes to the thought of a godly man actually giving me a chance despite the fact that I have a child and if I do date and it’s someone from my own church my fear of being looked at wrong is something that scares me too.
I hear you, Michelle. Sometimes the fear is in what others think. Once you can get past that part and learn to accept you for you (past and all) then trust, it gets easier and the opportunities will come!