It’s safe to say that almost every marriage (Christian or not) would like to know how to overcome arguments.
The tricky part, though, is that you never really know what you need to do specifically until you get into those arguments.
Kyle and I are great together. I never in a million years thought that we would ever experience such troubles when we got into arguments.
And if I’m honest here, I think a little piece of me secretly thought that we would never even get into arguments.
Oh, but when they happened, some of them were bad.
A common misunderstanding or a simple lack of listening brought us down quick.
We would argue for hours because of how I felt in the heat of the moment and that the reason for feeling that way was all because of him.
When we first got married, and we got into an argument, I would straight-up stop talking to him.
I would walk away and slam every door, window, and cabinet that crossed my path. I would then lock myself in a room and refused to talk to him about anything. Even if he was asking about my wellbeing or what I wanted to eat for dinner. I used to completely shun him.
And me, being the crazy woman that I am, would expect him to continuously try to make me feel better (even in my silence). If he didn’t, then I would get even madder.
You don’t even wanna know what I used to do when he went to sleep and I was still mad. I used to wake him up. And ignore him! And if he had the audacity to fall back asleep, I would wake him up again! Because I’m petty like that.
It would take us days before I was tired of the silent treatment and we would talk about whatever made me mad in the first place.
After years of trying to overcome arguments, I had to take some deep hard truths to heart. I realized that many of the arguments stemmed from a few major points.
- I was not giving him enough grace.
- What offended me originally triggered a deeper-rooted issue that I buried within myself and thus sparked the argument.
- I had anger issues and I needed to deal with them ASAP.
Notice how all of these revelations were all about me and none about my husband? Well, because if I’m all the way honest, I was the reason why we had so many arguments about 80% of the time.
Nowadays, our arguments rarely last past an hour. We are able to talk to one another, and our transparency on the matters is crazy good.
We are now able to trust one another in our most vulnerable feelings and because we can recognize when something deeper is going on within us personally, we can address it and not use it as ammo towards the argument.
While we still have arguments every now and then, the measure of them is so much smaller. We can come to a place of resolution easily that it always ends in love and prayer. So how in the heck did we overcome arguments?
There are a few very specific things that we incorporated into our marriage to help us get to this place. In this video, I explain them.