If I’m totally honest with you, I thought that my future husband would be absolutely Mr. Perfect.
But he’s not.
He’s so not.
Don’t get me wrong, he is pretty darn close to it, but when I met him, I almost didn’t even take notice.
He was just way too… different from what I had always looked for in a guy. He was so different that it was to the point where I totally placed him in the friend-zone. And I didn’t think twice about it.
He was into Nascar racing and country music. And he wasn’t ashamed to let it be known! Me, on the other hand, preferred a man with… different taste. Not so much of a “country” vibe, you know what I mean?
But not only that, he was still in school– whereas, me, I was already done and had two degrees to show for it!
I felt like my future husband was in a totally different lane that I was. And because of that, I didn’t see him as Mr. Perfect.
Now, before I even began to think about my husband as a potential anybody, I first had to get my love-life in order! And I did that by understanding where “true love” comes from. It comes first, from God, then from myself, and lastly, in the relationships I already had.
If you’d like to understand more about where you stand when it comes to trusting God in your love life and relationships and check out my latest resource, “The Love Trust Test”!
Once I found peace in my love-life and decided to trust God with it, I was able to then focus on praying for a future husband.
And so naturally, I created a list of what I wanted my husband to possess…
Man of God
Able to be a leader of the home
Good father figure
Educated with a good job
Athletic and taller than me
Enjoys spoiling his wife
You get the idea…
And I think many of us do this… We set out to find this perfect man who just has all of our needs and wants ready to deliver as soon as we meet them. It would love at first sight. And we would praise God all the days of our life for answering our prayers.
But God doesn’t work like that… and neither does our Mr. Right.
Once I started getting to know Kyle, I continued to judge him in my mind. I would tell myself that he didn’t have something on my list and so he couldn’t possibly be the one for me. I would dismiss him before even fully getting to know him for the person he was… and the person God was creating Him to be.
How very shallow of me to do that now that I look back on it.
I believe my intentions were good. I had dated so many Mr. Wrongs in the past. I believed that if I finally put some thought into what would make me happy, that I shouldn’t settle for anything less.
We hear that piece of advice all the time. But that’s the wrong way of going about it.
And because of it, there are a LOT of really good Mr. Right’s that are left on the curb, all because we are stuck on this belief that our Mr. Right must also be Mr. Perfect.
First off, there are no perfect people.
Newsflash: You will never be perfect. So how do you think Mr. Perfect would feel about you if you could never live up to their standards?
The good news is that there are no perfect people, so rest assured, no guy should ever feel that way about you.
There’s only ONE Mr. Perfect: His name is Jesus. And He already loves you beyond any love you could ever comprehend. By including Him into your love-life, He’ll reveal the perfect imperfect guy for you!
So how will you actually know when the love is real? How will you know to further pursue a guy who shows some signs of being Mr. Right, but little to no signs of being Mr. Perfect and/or matching your list of desirable qualities in a man?
It’s like Fixer Upper. Do you watch that show? Love it. Anyways, in this show, a couple helps another couple find the house of their dreams. And so they look around and they find these homes that look absolutely nothing like what they had in mind. Almost a downgrade from what they were expected to end up with, right?
But the host couple begins to “fix up” the potential home. They give it a whole lotta love and after some time, the house has been completely renovated to look like a dream come true!
Instead of looking for the “move-in ready” guy, accept the “renovation project” guy.
And understand that YOU are NOT the one who makes the renovations!! God does! This is why it is SO important to trust God with your love life!!!
So, even though my husband didn’t have a Master’s degree, he did have a manager position, which now has given us enough provision for me to become a stay-at-home mom and quit my job.
Even though my husband loves Nascar racing (and every other sport under the sun), he also values Sundays with family and God… major win there!
And while my husband may not have met a lot of other things on “my list”, he most certainly met everything that was on “God’s list” that would qualify him to be the perfect guy for me.
Not only that… but trusting God with this area of my love-life, He not only gave me someone who was so beyond what I had pictured myself ending up with, but he also gave him qualities and strengths that I had no idea I would need because I lacked them in myself!
So while you may never find the perfect person for you, God will give you His idea of what’s perfect for you. And unless you trust God fully with that, you’ll never know what kind of package that may come in.
Be open to liking someone who doesn’t fall under “your type”.
Explore beyond your list of needs and wants. If you see stuff that could potentially work, always remember that we are ALL renovation projects! And as long as we are walking with God, we will also be renovated into something better… such is the same with your Mr. Right!
Who you potentially meet isn’t going to the be the same person by the time you get married. And he won’t be the same person by the time you choose to start a family. At the same time, neither will you.
The only way Mr. Right will be remotely close to Mr. Perfect is if you both decide to put Jesus (the perfect man!) first in your relationship!
Then and only then will you begin to see God’s plan unravel and His love engulf the growing love you have with your totally not-what-I-expected future husband!
I enjoyed your post, Selina. Sometimes we can get so distracted with our ‘list’ and miss out on truly wonderful blessings from God. My oldest is 16 and while she isn’t too interested in having a boyfriend right now, I keep telling her to just keep running hard after God, and if a guy is able to keep up with her, then she might want to introduce herself;) Thanks for sharing on Grace and Truth.
Hey Aimee! So glad you enjoyed this! My goal is to reach those young women before they turn left and get hurt- hopefully your daughter stays the course and finds someone worth stopping to introduce herself!! Thanks for reading!
In the 14 years I spent as a single christian God really transformed my list of qualities I was looking for. We went from “tattoos, mechanical, tall and lean, brown skin….” to the list of character qualities that God lists for elder qualifications in the books of Titus and Timothy. I did finally find an amazing man of God who checked off every item on THAT list and we were married last year. Great post! Thank you!
That’s so awesome to hear!! Congrats! When we do it Gods way He ALWAYS gives us what we need and blesses us with the stuff we want too!! May God bless your marriage!!
I’ve been married for 26 years but boy do I remember those dating days. I was stuck in the “gotta find the perfect man” mode too. You are absolutely, no man is perfect but Jesus. My husband is pretty close to perfect though. 🙂 I love how you encourage placing Jesus first in the relationship. Best advice ever!
Thank you so much, Tina! I’m glad you enjoyed reading this post! Husbands are pretty close, aren’t they? May God continue to bless your marriage!!!
One thing that I’m very grateful for is that I never made any sort of list of what I was looking for in a guy. Instead, after I started contemplating the possibility of a future with my friend (and now husband of seven years), I started writing a list of things I appreciated about HIM and reasons why he’d make a good potential candidate. As I learned more about him and grew to appreciate more about him, the list grew, and I’ve never regretted marrying my best friend!
That’s an awesome idea, Rachel! I’m sure building your appreciation for him kept reminding you to see and live his heart above all else! God bless your marriage! And thanks for reading!
I definitely agree! My husband was not my vision for perfect either…but he is definitely perfect for me! God had a better plan in store!
Amen, Joanna! God always knows! Glad to see you enjoyed this post!
The real problem here is that most single women only want the real Mr. Perfect type of guy, since they will only want the very best of all which they will never settle for less.
It’s a legit problem that some women have.