Though I didn’t realize it then, the breakups I had have taught me some of the greatest lessons of my life.
I credit a lot of my business success to the relationship I have with my husband. We began as friends (I actually placed him in the “friend zone” at first), developed a love for each other, committed to having a pure dating relationship, and chose not to kiss until we met at the altar on our wedding day.
It was a beautiful love story that was completely entrusted to God and lead by faith, a lot of prayers, and a crazy ton of love lessons that I learned beforehand.
While I give a lot of credit to my existing relationship with my hubby as to how I help women find love and live a love-filled life, I gotta admit, that I wouldn’t ever make it this far without all of the lessons I learned from my past breakups.
Back then, I didn’t handle breakups well. As a product of divorce, I never wanted to end up the way that my parents did. I never wanted to become sad, bitter, or hateful towards my Ex… To me, if I were to ever get in a relationship, I was going to do whatever it took to make it work.
But of course, that did not happen. And over the course of my early and mid-20’s, I failed time and time again in relationship after relationship.
Some breakups were meant to happen. Some got me totally off guard. I initiated some of them, and in others, I practically begged the guy to stay with me.
At times it got ugly. I mean, really ugly. It’s almost embarrassing to even admit how completely lost and desperate I had become during those days.
But my times of desperation in those breakups lead me to become the love-filled woman who I am today.
As a Relationship Coach, I feel that it’s my purpose-driven duty to share with you what I learned during these breakups so that a) you can also learn from them, and b) you can avoid many of the mistakes that I’ve made.
Before I get into my top five love lessons that I learned from my breakups, I can tell you now that the ultimate, number one thing that got me through any and all of my breakups was getting closer to God.
Sure, it doesn’t seem like much when you are in the thick of your breakup season, but by getting to know the love of God, I was able to restore from my breakups, and heal so that I had developed the strength I needed to move on for good!
Ok, with that major key out-of-the-way, let me go ahead and share with you the top five love lessons I learned (beyond the ultimate lesson of getting to know God’s love) from my breakups.
1. There is NOTHING wrong with you.
While that may seem trivial to someone who is just reading this for pleasure, believe you me, when you are knee deep in your breakup, crazy thoughts begin to flood your mind. One of those thoughts is, “what’s wrong with me?” This one thought can literally tear you apart. To the point where your confidence completely shatters and you feel hopeless in ever falling in love again.
Here’s the good news: There is nothing wrong with you. You are still beautiful, funny, smart, fun to be around, and likable. The breakup happened because this guy either could not see that, or he did and didn’t want you. But you are still a great woman. With a great future.
There is nothing wrong with you. You gotta believe me when I say that. And you gotta believe you when you tell that to yourself.
2. Half of the breakup IS your fault.
Ok, so even though, there is nothing wrong with you as a person, the relationship that you once had is still technically broken.
Sure, you only see that he cheated, or he said this, or he did that… but let time pass for a second to allow you think this through.
While you may not see it all clearly now, hindsight is always 20/20. In other words, when you’re able to get past the initial breakup emotional phase, and you start to think back to the relationship itself, you’re going to begin to ask yourself, “What went wrong?”
In that answer, you’ll begin to see things you either did to damage the relationship, or you’ll notice things that were damaging your relationship that you allowed to happen. Or both. No matter what angle you choose to look at it, there were some red flags along the way and it got the best of your relationship.
When you’re able to own some of that truth, then you are one step closer to moving on.
3. You are NOT who you thought you were.
Relationships change people. Sometimes it brings out the best in a person, and other times it brings out the worst. I think it’s safe to say that after experiencing a breakup (like the one you just had), you are definitely not the person you thought you were when you were living in that relationship.
For me, I had no idea how dependent I was on my Exes until the relationship was actually over.
Perhaps for you, you’ll come to realize that you grew to be insecure, dependent, or totally lost as an individual.
But on the plus side, you may also come to realize that you are a lot stronger, worth a whole lot more, and deserve so much better than you originally thought.
4. God will never abandon you.
I used to think that God totally left me for the birds whenever I experienced one of my many breakups. “Like, how could God do this to me?” or, “Why does God hate me?” (I was a bit dramatic.)
When you experience heartbreak and feel rejected, alone, confused, and flat-out unloved, you often tend to also question God’s love.
But this is the complete opposite of the truth! It’s because of God that you’re still alive and going through this. Not necessarily the bad, emotional, breakup part, but in a sense, yeah! God wants what’s best for you. And if your breakup occurred because your Ex wasn’t the right guy at the end of the day, then God had to make him part ways so that you can get better.
Regardless of how your love life plays out, God never leaves you. Never for a second.
So whenever you’re ready to stop feeling that mopey feeling… you know what I’m talking about. The feeling where you actually want to feel like a bum and cry a lot… reach out to God and He will totally respond with peace, understanding, love, company, or whatever it is your heart needs!
Which leads me to the final lesson,
5. Life goes on.
Man-oh-man, I thought I would never again see the day where getting married and having a happy family would be in my future. I thought after all of my breakups I was donezo. Oh, but God. And time. They both heal so much.
After some time, you’ll come to realize that life just keeps going on. Your friends and family are all back to living their lives and simply put, it’s time for you to go off and start living yours.
You’re a new woman now. One that is single. Without a relationship. With a season full of opportunities to heal, restore your heart, get closer to God, and truly figure out what it is that you want to do in life.
And once you learn that lesson, there’s a whole new adventure that awaits.