There are a lot of women who are in healthy Christian marriages and find themselves struggling with how to deal with infertility.
Wanna know how I know this? Because I’m one of those women.
And while the marriage itself may seem like a very satisfying and sustaining one from the outside perspective, I can assure you that this is a storm that could change everything.
At first, it was embarrassing for me to admit that I was dealing with infertility. It was embarrassing for me because I had already had two very healthy pregnancies and childbirths. The other reason was because dealing with this issue now made me feel as though I was broken– so was our marriage bed.
Coming from someone who decided to save herself until her wedding night, I couldn’t explain how or why we were struggling with this issue. However, over the first five months of 2020, it was all we could think about.
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Let me be clear in addressing that infertility does increase in women as they age. Another valid explanation is stress– stress is a mother! While Kyle and I already had two very happy and healthy boys, we felt that the time was right to try to conceive a third child.
However, being older in age (past the 35 year mark) and having just dealt with a home renovation (if you know you know!), the pressure to connect with my husband, and remain intimate, all while having my body produce a child was all too much.
Of course, I didn’t expect any complications to take place. We did this all before. Planned out the time we would conceive, and just like that! Nine months later, healthy babies. But this was different.
Coming from a healthy marriage, our intimacy and desire for one another was there. Fully alive and present. At first.
After a while of dealing with infertility, the intimacy between us began to shift focus. It went from us enjoying this season of our life and remaining close to “will this work?”, and “let’s just do this and see if we get pregnant.”
I cannot speak for everyone here, but I was becoming more and more afraid to make love to my husband in this season. The pleasure had been robbed from me and it was no longer enjoyable. All I could think about was WHY we were unable to conceive.
And don’t get me wrong here. We tried EVERYTHING to make it work. Gels, temperatures, different positions, time of day (and night), fertility calendars, diets, supplements, you name it. Nothing was working.
I want to speak on this matter because as I was going through this experience, I noticed that my relationship with my husband began to change drastically. Our faith was tested and our love for one another was being affected.
At the end of the day, I can tell you that all of this came out of fear. Fear that we wouldn’t be able to have another child. That something was wrong with me internally. Or, that something was wrong with Kyle.
While the fears of dealing with infertility are common among married couples, there are some things that you can do to keep it together. Some lessons that we learned (the hard way!) that kept us intimate and faithful through these trying times.
In this video, I offer some Christian marriage advice on how to deal and cope with infertility, based on my own experience.
Click below to enjoy this video!
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If you desire to reshape your marriage, remove the blocks that have kept you from that intimate relationship you once had with your spouse, then consider setting up a 90-min “Marriage Makeover” Coaching session!
Sister, you don’t have to struggle silently anymore. Dealing with infertility is very real and very common. If you are not careful, it could slowly pull you away from the blessings that God has already given you in your spouse and marriage.
Always remember that your marriage is your first ministry. Together with God, you will overcome this season and the way to a peaceful and content heart will discovered. For now, I pray that you take my tips and advice to heart as you deal with this very trying season.
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When it comes to helping Christian women navigate love, relationships, the single life and marriage while honoring God, no one does it better than Selina Almodovar (se-LEE-nah AWL-muh-DOH-varr). A renowned Christian relationship author, coach, blogger and speaker, Selina shows women how to LOVE BY FAITH by successfully transforming their love life through trust in God. 