When my wife asked me to write a guest post here I knew what I was going to write about. I want to tell all you women how to get a guy from a guy’s perspective.
I should know since well…I’m a guy.
The dating market today can be a tricky scene. Tinder, Christian mingle, and farmersonly.com, are just the beginning. Even then you still have to go on the date and seriously hope that it goes somewhat well.
As always, the first step is to be real.
You have to know your values, your calling, and your talents.
Think about the way you like to live. The guy that’s right for you will fit in those areas impeccably. So much of what attracted me to Selina was her “okayness” with staying in her lane.
She wasn’t out trying to impress me with athletic ability. She knew that wasn’t who she was. However, she showed her talent when it came time to write a sermon message to the youth group we helped lead. She let her style pour right out of her pen. I didn’t think or like her any less because she wasn’t about playing volleyball. Likewise, I liked her more when she showed me her talents that were different from mine.
The more genuine you can be, the more likely you will be to truly connect with the guy.
From a guy’s perspective, women try too hard to be what the guy wants instead of making the guy want what they are.
There is much more to knowing yourself than values and talents. I remember I had just got my big promotion and my career was just taking off. It was at that time I went out with a nice girl from church (not Selina).
She was in the same place career-wise and spiritually. After a couple of times seeing each other I knew the timing was wrong. I think she did too. When that tiny flame flickered out I knew I had some growing to do.
I got involved more and more at church. Also, I found my spiritual calling, developed my hobbies deeper, learned how to cook and keep a budget. Too many times people skip this step.
If you want to get the guy then get after your spiritual calling.
It will put you in the vicinity of guys who you are compatible with. When I met Selina and learned, not only could she keep a budget but she had climbed out from under debt, that was a win. Then she had a savings plan, that was a major win. After knowing her and learning her motivation was spiritual. That motivation being the desire to be debt free. I saw something I was attracted to. I could only recognize it as something I was attracted to because I knew myself spiritually and knew my financial goals.
You’re going to get the guy by deeply knowing yourself. Seriously, this is a season where you stop trying to find someone and just find yourself.
From a guy’s perspective, a woman who knows and understands herself on a deep level is a very desirable woman.
I want to tell you a story about a friend of mine who is getting married this year. He is a habitual plan breaker. A typical flake, to those who don’t know him like I do. Don’t judge, we all have our cross to bear.
He was dating his future wife for about a month. Her birthday was coming up and they were supposed to go to a low-key get-together with her sister. I knew about the event leading up to it so I decided to call him that day.
So, in his typical fashion, he’s got his garbage excuses for why he’s not going. I asked him, “Do you like this girl?” Or, is this just a temporary thing. He said, “I really like her.” My response was, “Well if you really like her you gotta do what you said you would do, and go to the party.”
Of course, he went. The point is he got out of his comfort zone to keep the girl. So what if you think watching UFC is barbaric. Go there, hang out with his friends, meet their girlfriends/wives and be yourself.
(Side note: if you’re invited by a married person to their gathering Find out if there will be single guys there. Literally, ask the host. What’s the point of wasting a Saturday night with a bunch of people who aren’t single? It might just be a pit stop, not your destination. Seriously, you’re in the market, aren’t you?)
The point of the story is he got way out of his comfort zone to get the girl.
From a guy’s perspective, women can be too caught up in their comfort zone. Get out there. TBH what you have been doing hasn’t worked. Switch it up.
The season of singleness can be such a drag. You go on and on and hopefully by some chance, maybe today there will be a nice guy at this place. Or, maybe someone will introduce me to somebody nice. Good news! There is a nice guy at that grocery store. Yes, somebody will introduce you to a nice guy.
However, you gotta grab life by the reigns.
So for all you ladies who pass the cute guy and don’t say anything, give him a wave. Say hi. Yes, you have to take a bold step.
You have a good girlfriend at work, ask her to introduce you to one of her boyfriend’s friend’s. But know that she likely isn’t going to say, let me introduce you to somebody. I saw a post today on IG: “my face after guys on tinder be like send me a picture after 15 minutes of talking.”
Now I don’t endorse the use of tinder in dating, but I think there is a nugget of truth from a guy’s perspective there. We know you are putting your absolute best picture up there. From our perspective, it may be from 3 years ago.
I’m not saying you have to give it to him. However, if you are feeling him and having a good convo, do it. At least tell him no with a good reason. If you’re old enough to be swiping on tinder you’re old enough to send him a quick picture.
You might be saying, “Kyle, what about keeping my guard up?” Sending a quick selfie isn’t putting your guard down. It’s being real and showing confidence.
From a guy’s perspective, humble confidence can go a long way.
In no way am I saying that this is all it takes. These tips are intended to be stepping-stones and building blocks. A great starting place. I don’t think it’s easy. Obviously, every guy is different. Tastes will vary.
From a guy’s perspective, you should look for these traits in a man too.
More About Kyle:
Kyle is a hard-working husband and father who loves Jesus, sports, and coffee.
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