Believe it or not, dating someone from church is actually really rare these days.
But if and when it finally happens, there are so many things you can get out of the experience!
So if you’re thinking about it, or rather, it’s something you actually prefer, here are some things you may wanna keep in mind to help you when you wound up combining your church life with your love-life.
1. People are gonna talk.
Listen. If you thought that people were all up in your business as a nice, single girl, then just wait until you meet someone. And let alone, that someone is the dear single guy that everyone already knew you should’ve been dating a long time ago.
Ok, in the church’s defense, let me just go ahead and say this…
People are excited to see you happy. They know you personally and love you. They mean no harm by their excitement.
However, that doesn’t always mean that they know how to discreetly contain it once you start sitting next to bae on Sundays.
Whether people mean well, or they really have nothing better to do with their time in church, they will notice that you are no longer single and will have some thoughts on the subject matter.
2. You will get some un-solicited advice.
Yeah, because everybody and their grandma will have something to say about your recently updated relationship status, there’s bound to be some advice.
Which kinda always cracks me up because, you were single, not on
I mean, if you don’t, then you should totally check this out. But I don’t think you’re a foreigner when it comes to dating.
Nevertheless, your family, your friends, and your church fam will try to give you some “godly wisdom” to prevent you from becoming single again.
Don’t get me wrong. Some of the advice might actually be helpful. It may end up having a really powerful impact on your relationship.
But if you didn’t ask for it, then it can get really annoying and pretty difficult to receive. Even downright offensive.
So guard your heart and be open to receiving the good stuff– regardless of who God chooses to use to deliver it.
3. Everyone will expect you to have the “perfect” relationship.
I honestly don’t understand why people assume tha because you go to church regularly that you automatically become a perfect person.
As if serving the Lord means that you claim to be without sin and therefore, if you happen to sin, then it makes you some kind of hypocrite.
Well, the very same can be said about dating someone from church.
People assume that because you are both Christians that your relationship will be “perfect”. And God forbid if you or your boyfriend ever sin.
Ladies, this is far-fetched, to say the least.
We go to church to acknowledge that we are sinners in constant need of Jesus.
It’s tough as it is to maintain a Christian relationship in such a secular dating world.
And if you’re not careful, your Christian relationship could get attacked faster than the blink of an eye.
Temptation can arise in the form of impure thoughts, crossing boundaries, or idolatry. Then before you know it, many people who were once rooting for you will soon be gossiping about their own assumptions of what you and boo are now struggling with.
I think it’s because of this point that so many couples end up leaving the church– they feel condemned when tempted by sin within their relationship. And instead of receiving the help and
Now, this isn’t always the case. And to the couple within the church, they definitely have a responsibility to acknowledge that sin is there, flesh is weak, and the church can help. I repeat the church can help!
Which leads me to my next point.
4. You have the means to a great accountability group.
Not everyone should be in your inner circle. But if you’ve been going to church for some time now, there should be some godly friends in your corner.
There might even be some couples that you have been looking up to for some time now.
These are the ones who you can reach out to. These people are your support group. This group is going to help you stay accountable throughout your relationship.
And coming from a girl who actually met her husband in the church, I will tell you this: having an accountability group could be the very thing that keeps you and your boyfriend connected to each
other, while staying connected to Christ.
As I’ve mentioned before, Christian dating isn’t easy. Especially when you are dating someone at church. But you can be sure that it can become easier if you surround yourself with people who have your heart and spiritual health at best interest.
But don’t expect these folks to up and volunteer this to you once you establish your relationship. This is gonna be something that you are your partner are going to have to
Reach out and find some women in your life to become your accountability partner. And encourage your boyfriend to do the same. Then together, you both find some other couples in the church whom you can grow and hang out with. And all of those people combined will become the circle you need to guard your heart, mind, body, and spirit from dating sin.
To kick it up a notch, you can even invest in some books and courses to help you learn and apply Christian dating boundaries and expectations as you cultivate your relationship.
5. It might not work out (or it might REALLY work out!)
Everyone thinks that just because you finally start
As really exciting as that may sound to you, it’s not always the case. So don’t get your hopes up yet.
Sure, when someone wants to get exclusive you and I are both praying that they have already considered each of these points and that’s why they are finally coming up to you and asking you out.
But we’re forgetting that the entire purpose of dating is to discover if you’re a marital fit. In other words, if you can’t see yourself marrying this guy, and vice versa, then you’re only wasting your time dating him.
So, yes, while the intentions may be to end up at the alter in front of your Pastor, this relationship is also the “probation period” to really see if it’s even worth it.
I’m really hoping that because you both are in church that you both understand this point. However, there have been times when guys are just pretending to be the One. At least you’ll have the discernment and support group you need to guide you away from the relationship if it’s no bueno for you before it gets too deep.
6. A breakup could get sticky.
It doesn’t always happen, but in some cases it does. And it gets pretty tricky when it happens. Here’s why.
You went to church to seek God. To find peace. To be vulnerable in a safe space and to grow in your faith.
In comes cute boy who is now your Ex. And now everytime you go to church, he’s there. What was once your sanctuary is now your awkward meeting ground.
So if you do happen to
And this causes you (or your Ex) to either, a) leave the church, b) transfer churches, or c) focus solely on the broken relationship you once had rather than Christ and the main reason you’re at church in the first place.
With that being said, if you do happen to start dating someone from church, and you do see that things are not going to go in the positive direction that you were hoping for, then you need to establish a backup plan.
Nevermind what he’s going to do. His spiritual health is not the one you should be focusing on. You should be focused on YOURS.
What are you going to do if it doesn’t work out? How can you avoid the relational conflict while still staying connected to God? Or better yet, what signs are you going to set up for yourself within the relationship to let you know that it’s time to breakup before it’s too late and you can’t remain friends anymore?
I know none of us would rather not think of these things, but it’s necessary. Because the fact of the matter is that you gotta protect the ultimate relationship you have within the church– the relationship you have with Christ.
And as soon as you begin to date someone who is also focused on that same relationship, the enemy will try to use whatever (and whoever) he can to confuse your heart, mess you up, and draw you away from that primary relationship.
Dating someone from church can be nice. Sharing the same faith and having the same long-term goals when it comes to love is exciting and promising. But going to church does not dismiss you from the outer world’s dating problems. And because of you’re both children of the God, the enemy is gonna be a super hater towards your budding romance.
So be sure to guard your heart at all times. Make sure you’re protected at all sides. Know yourself, your intentions, your expectations, and your boundaries. And pray. At all times. In all stages. For all things regarding your love-life.
Never forget that trusting God is going to lead you to the right relationship. Period. So if the guy you date from church is the guy for you or not, God will let you know– doors will either open or close. Trust in that.