I’m not about to sugar coat this post. To get through a breakup is probably one of the worst experiences you’ll ever have to go through.
Depending on how hard you cared for your Ex, the loss of their love will feel almost like you are grieving for a lost one.
And essentially, that is very much the case. A piece of your heart is no longer there. And life is still going on… so whether you can physically accept that truth and move on with it, you’re in for a season that could totally wreck you from the inside out.
It did for me. And for every breakup I experienced, it never got easier… only worse.
With every breakup that I ever went through, I took it upon myself to let my emotions get the best of me.
I made choices that weren’t logical or wise. Not because I wasn’t thinking (I never perfectly well that what I was doing was wrong), but because I was reacting. Throwing a “breakup temper tantrum”, if you will.
My drinking lead to a low bank account and numbing hangovers.
The constant dependence on my Ex (still) lead to months of stalking him over social media, insomnia, and over-the-counter sleeping pills, that really could’ve wrecked me had it not been for God’s grace.
The daily partying lead to poor health choices and a loss of 30 pounds in 30 days.
I thought was I doing the right things to get over a breakup, but I was only making matters worse.
Here’s why these things are essential to help you get through a breakup:
After that season of loneliness and depression, I slowly began to think about myself. Not just about my current state, but about what would actually help me get over this… and over my Ex.
And I learned many lessons along the way… including what could actually help me get over a breakup.
Here are the main things that helped me overcome all of the negative emotions that tried to keep me down during my season of a breakup. Had I used these tools during each breakup I had, I believe my outcomes would have been completely different.
So, in order to spare you some of that drama-filled, emotional roller coaster that so many of us slip into during a breakup, I encourage you to check out these things and use them for yourself… for your own good.
(Some links that are shared are affiliate links– you can learn more about them here.)
1. Breakup Snacks
Should I be bringing up something encouraging or inspirational as the first thing I believe we need when we get through a breakup? Nope. Wanna know why? Because we are nowhere near that point of trying to listen (and digest) those things when our breakup is fresh.
At your lowest low, we need something that will comfort us. Food is one of those instant gratifying things that can make that happen. Please NOTE I mentioned snacks… not an entire diet. Nor something that you’re eating all day long (like what a meal should be). You should still eat healthy foods to sustain your body– there’s no sense in becoming physically unstable on top of your already unstable emotional state.
I personally recommend DOVE PROMISES Milk Chocolate Candy because they are delightful, tastier than your standard candy bar, and hey, they even come with a tiny love note in the wrapper… you know, you warm you up to the idea that things will get better in time.
2. Breakup Gear
What do you need to feel most comfortable in?
Enjoying running (or working out) to blow off steam and you need to get yourself some new kicks?
Wanna sit at home all day (at least for a while) and do absolutely nothing but cry and binge your favorite TV shows?
Do you feel the need to feel pretty and shopping for a new dress is gonna do the trick?
Pick clothes that are going to make you feel 100% comfortable in the state that you are currently in. Trust me, there will be a time when your grieving will come to an end and you’ll want to transform your look to match your new season, but for now, meet yourself where you’re currently at.
For me, sweatpants, with a nice oversized tunic hoodie, was all I needed. All I wanted was to lounge around and feel “cozy”, so this was the perfect outfit for me. Oh, and you cannot forget the fuzzy socks (the longer and cuter, the better).
I know you’re probably thinking that staying at home all day, moping over your breakup, in sweatpants is NOT going to help you get through a breakup… but it will. And it’s waaay better than moping around in your pj’s all day long.
At least this outfit will force you to get out of bed and change your clothes, which can be the most productive thing you do all day when you’re trying to get through a breakup (speaking from experience!)
Besides, you’re not pressuring yourself to move faster than you emotionally can. Also, you’ll want to feel comfortable in order to dig into these next items…
Sidenote: When people force you to move faster than you’re ready to, it could lead to you making some life choices that are only pleasing to those people. Embracing your hurt, and acknowledging that that’s where you’re at, (but it’s not where you’ll stay) is a part of the healing process. And when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know, and you’ll feel comfortable doing so!
3. Time with God
Ok, you got your snacks, you got your gear, you’re ready to focus on the problem: your broken heart. While you may not have all the answers as to why this happened, what went wrong, what you did wrong, was this a good or bad thing, and what you would’ve done to prevent this, you can begin to focus on healing yourself from feeling hurt.
That’s where God comes in.
Spending time in worship, going over His word, reminding ourselves of His promises, and focusing on His plan for our life can do a number of things in regards to healing and restoration.
If you haven’t really spent a lot of time focusing on your relationship with Jesus because you know… you were too busy focusing on the relationship with your Ex, then now is the perfect time to get back into it.
4. Breakup Playlist
We’re feeling our feelings and slowly but surely coming to the realization that our breakup was real, we can’t talk to your Ex just to talk anymore, and things are getting rough. In comes your new favorite playlist.
My breakup playlist consisted of Adele, Beyoncé, Kelly Clarkson, Pink, and Lauryn Hill, but yours could be totally different!! In fact, I purposely added this item to this list in this order because once you spend some time with God, you may want to set your mind on some more uplifting songs, instead of the typical “Someone Like You” breakup song.
Though, I must admit, crying out to some of those songs does make you feel a bit better because you’re exposing your emotions to lyrics and a singer who is singing like she’s been through a breakup too. It helps and it’s totally therapeutic!
So make a list of songs that will allow you to cry, then wipe away those tears, and then give you hope that things will get better.
Then hit “replay all” and sing your heart out!
There are so many journals out there. It’s hard to even choose sometimes. Here’s what I suggest.
I suggest you get two journals: One for crying and one for planning.
You’ll want a journal where you can just jot down your emotions, frustrations, and your fear of the future. A journal where you can write whatever you want, whenever you want. The only problem is, most of these journals are so dog-gone pretty that you would never want to write about your breakup in them. They are much too pretty for that story, right?
The journal I used to help me get through a breakup wasn’t even a journal at all. It was a 5-subject notebook. It was grungy, it didn’t appear to be pretty, and it kept me writing. I named my first notebook, “The 100 years of solitude” after the famous book, “100 Years of Solitude” by Gabriel García Márquez. Yes, I was a bit dramatic, but my breakups were tough! And that was genuinely how I felt when I was going through it.
The second journal I recommend is one you can plan in. I think the absolute best journal/planner for this purpose is the “Make It Happen Powersheets” by Lara Casey.
What I LOVE about this particular planner is that it goes by seasons, then it breaks down into months, weeks, and day-to-day. But it’s not your typical, “what am I doing at 3 pm?” planner… this planner focuses specifically on your goals.
But wait, there’s more…
When it comes to Powersheets, it’s totally faith-based, and relationship-based too!
So it encourages you to focus on not only yourself but goals that you can set to help you cultivate the relationships that are currently in your life. And after going through a breakup, I’m willing to bet that you’ll need to be watering some of those other relationships in your life right about now.
6. Books that Heal
Now that we are getting close to moving on and we’re feeling more confident that we can actually get through a breakup, it’s time to feed your soul more and take it a step further. It’s time to look into some books that are gonna help you overcome this breakup and make the most of yourself as you move forward.
I recently wrote a post about the Seven Perfect Books For Your Single Season so I encourage you to definitely check that out to find some great reads that will help you take charge of the new season that you’re in (whether you wanted it to happen or not).
More specifically, I wanna encourage you to check out my very own book, “The Single Woman’s Prayer Book“. Remember those journals I told you about? Remember the time with God I encouraged you to have? Well, both of those items ultimately lead to me writing this book. Many of the prayers in this book took place as I was going through my very own breakups.
In this book, you’ll find prayers that will address your hurt, pain, healing, finding purpose, forgiveness, trusting in God, yourself, and how to prepare your heart for future relationships and potential Mr. Right!
This book is a definite MUST HAVE when going through a breakup because it was through the breakups that I created the book itself!
7. Breakup Bucket List
You were able to use items from this list that gave you comfort, healing, and a safe space to grieve your Ex and get over a breakup. Now is the time to finally take action.
Creating a breakup bucket list is basically a list of all of the things you always wanted to do, either while you were still involved in a relationship, or when you were alone and never had the free time. Essentially you can tackle this list with friends, but I think it makes the most impact when you can fulfill the bucket list on your own.
Why? Because it creates a journey that only you can fulfill.
It allows you to depend totally on yourself (and God) and to experience the joyful outcome will allow you to not only discover more of who you are, what you want in life, and what you love, but it will also allow you to gain comfort in being yourself by yourself.
So there you have it! These items would’ve totally helped me get over a breakup, and I just know they will most certainly help you!