You’re in a relationship and quite honestly; it’s starting to go downhill.
Sure, you may feel like moving on is the best option for you, but breaking up can sometimes be a very difficult thing to do.
It once took me an entire season to break up with an ex simply because I was afraid of hurting his feelings. In another relationship, I was afraid to break up because I didn’t know what to do with myself afterward. Staying together just seemed like the more comfortable choice at the time.
How do you know when to call it quits for good?
Here are five red flags you can be on the lookout for to let you know, with clarity, when it’s time to end your relationship. Click on the video below to watch and enjoy!
Flag #1: You’re annoyed by every single thing they do.
This kind of thing may have started off small. Over time, your irritation has grown to the point where you can’t stand being around them!
It’s not their fault that they are who they are, but you’re beginning to notice pretty quick that they are not someone you can spend a few decades with.
It’s time to move on. You don’t need that in your life. Just let it go.
How to breakup:
It’s best to handle this situation as you would a band-aid. Do it quickly and endure the short-term hurt that may come from it. After a short while, you’ll be good as new.
Flag #2: You are constantly bringing up the past.
You two are going at it about something and out of nowhere either you or your beau bring up an old fight that was settled (or so you thought) a long time ago.
I thought you took care of that situation…why is this topic continuing to resurface every time you argue?
Lack of trust and forgiveness are two critical red flags.
And trust me, you need both of these in order to have a strong foundation for a lasting relationship.
If the trust in your relationship is not there then your foundation is weak. If you’re unwilling to work on your foundation then there’s no point in allowing the relationship to last.
How to breakup:
There’s not much gray in this black-and-white scenario. Chances are, you either trust them or you don’t. Base your breakup on the lack of trust and keep it moving.
If you don’t call it quits now, then every single argument that occurs will just be added to the “mistrust pot” and will continue to stir until one of you reaches a boiling point. This could lead to a lot of stress, pain, or hurtful actions that could ultimately affect how you both will interact in future relationships.
Admitting that you have trust in your relationship while staying stuck in your past is BS.
If you actually do trust them (and they actually trust you), then prove it through your actions by letting go, forgive your partner completely, and move forward.
Flag #3: Your sorrows outweigh your joy.
If you cry in a relationship more than you laugh, then there’s a problem. What makes you think this is something worth keeping? More importantly, what’s giving you the impression that things will get better?
Understand this: There is currently someone out there who will adore every day for the rest of your life.
They are going to live to make you happy. Not because they are obligated to…but because they actually want to. It makes them happy to make you happy.
Don’t waste your life with someone who is rude, mean, and cruel when you’ve got someone out there (right now) who’s waiting to make you happy, feel loved, and genuinely valued.
How to breakup:
This is a bit tougher than usual because you may currently be feeling hopeless. You might not actually believe that there is someone better for you out there. In this breakup scenario, you must be willing to take a leap of faith.
Taking this leap of faith is like jumping off a cliff that is already eroding. You are afraid that if you jump, you’ll crash in the end. You’re afraid that if you jump, you’ll regret it.
Don’t think like this. Instead, don’t think at all. Just jump.
Declare the breakup before you can even have time to think about it.
Flag #4: You feel threatened because of everything you do.
If you constantly have to defend yourself, your actions, your friends, and your thoughts, then this is no bueno, my friend.
Perhaps your boyfriend doesn’t approve of your friends, doesn’t want you to see your family, is highly sensitive to who you text, etc. You should never feel like you are going to get in trouble over something that you would normally do as an adult in your everyday life.
There’s a huge difference when it comes to someone protecting you for your own safety and someone threatening you because of their insecurity. And it also happens to be a huge red flag.
How to breakup:
Get out fast and get out now. This could become very violent and you will never know when their top is going to blow. Conduct the breakup in a public area so that the reaction is not as threatening. Also, be sure to have an exit strategy where you will be joined by loved ones immediately after. Whatever you do, do not expect to be ok alone. Take no chances.
Lastly, avoid all communication with them. There is no room for explanations, reconciliations, or reasons to get back together. Your life was on the verge of being threatened…nothing could make up for that fact.
Flag #5: You are getting abused (physically, mentally, sexually, emotionally).
If you are getting abused in any kind of way, then you need to go. Point blank. Period. Dot. The. End.
Staying in an abusive relationship can be very tricky because your life is at stake and the abuser may be unwilling to end the relationship, which can be scary all in itself.
However, you have to ask yourself this,
“Is this really what I envisioned when I considered love?”
“Is this really what I had in mind when I started to date this person?”
You must be able to realize that abuse is NOT a form of love.
How to breakup:
Now, I understand that a simple conversation isn’t going to work in this case.
The first thing you absolutely need to do is get help right away.
Call a domestic violence hotline, reach out to your loved ones, and pack your belongings in a bag if you need to make a quick getaway.
If things are this serious, then you know already that you have to get out of this relationship. Whether they are your loved ones, the police, or someone on the other end of the hotline you called, you know that there are people out there who are willing to help you and get you to a safe environment.
Make the choice to leave the minute you catch a glimpse of any of these red flags.
You know more than anyone what your gut is telling you, what you feel in your heart, and what’s the best move for you and your future.
So take action when you see the signs.
Which red flags caused you to end your relationship? Share in the comments below!